While former Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles is locked in a stiff competition with Mitch Trubisky for the starting quarterback job in Chicago, his enormous penis has opted out of the 2020 season due to COVID-19 concerns. Foles, one of… Read More ›
Footballs
Protestors Remove Statue, Realize It’s Actually Lou Holtz
Hall of Fame football coach Lou Holtz was released from the Orlando Medical Center on Friday after protesters mistook him for a statue and removed him from the city hall steps late Thursday night. The former Notre Dame head coach… Read More ›
Former QB Carr Supports Mask Mandate for Brother Derek
Former #1 overall draft pick and sexual hors d’oeuvre David Carr is lending his voice to a cause close to his heart: he’s pushing the city of Las Vegas to enact and strictly enforce a mask mandate for his brother,… Read More ›
Steelers to Play 2020 Season Without Facemasks
In a confusing mixup on Friday, the Pittsburgh Steelers ordered 53 helmets without face masks for the upcoming 2020 NFL season. After the Pittsburgh city council voted to mandate face coverings in public, Steelers ownership exercised their Reagan-given freedom to… Read More ›
Cornhuskers Join English Premier League
After nine seasons as a proud member of the Big Ten (40-36 conference record, one game better than Northwestern), the Nebraska Cornhuskers football team is officially seceding from the conference and joining the English Premier League, effective immediately. Head coach… Read More ›
Giants CB charged with Armed Robbery, Assault, reportedly “furious” about his Madden Rating
NY Giants cornerback DeAndre Baker is refusing to step onto the field in 2020 until his issues with Madden NFL 21 are resolved. Despite pending criminal charges from an incident in June, the former University of Georgia All-American has focused… Read More ›
New Eagles WR Signing “Has nothing to do with DeSean Jackson’s Hitler stuff”
One week after Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson posted the Fake Hitler Quote Heard ‘Round the World, the team has signed free agent wide receiver Abe Shenovitz. The 36-year-old prospect played his most recent snaps in 2004 as a… Read More ›
How Long Until We’re Sick of Patrick Mahomes?
It’s only a matter of time before we turn our backs on Patrick Mahomes. After backing up Alex Smith his rookie season, Mahomes became chief Chief when Andy Reid whipped the rocket out of his pocket and traded Smith to… Read More ›
Washington Football Team Decides to Keep Controversial Name
July 5, 2020 – The Washington R**skins and team owner Dan Snyder have taken a surprising U-turn against public sentiment Saturday by announcing they will NOT change the team’s controversial name. Reports on Friday implied Snyder was “likely” to change… Read More ›
