SportSinner: An Internet Website (barely)

Saban Tells Alabama He’s Stepping Down, Can Suck Own DickI

University of Alabama football coach Nick Saban has informed school officials he’ll be stepping down at the end of the 2020 season. After coaching college or pro football for the past five decades, Saban, who missed the Auburn game two weeks ago while self-quarantining due to a positive COVID-19 test, finally figured out how to… Read More ›

Tebow Cheats on Wife With MyPillow™

After noticing her husband Tim Tebow sleeping on the couch for the past week or so, the 2017 Miss Universe Demi-Leigh Tebow caught the former virgin in the throws of passion with his MyPillow™ on a hidden camera she discreetly placed inside the urinating Urban Meyer statue that presides over the couple’s entertainment room.  According… Read More ›

Tennessee’s Pruitt Rails Against Female Kicker, Calls COVID-19 “Lesbian Hoax”

As COVID-19 rages across America, the SEC football schedule is constantly being adjusted on the fly. The conference announced on Monday that the upcoming Tennessee-Vanderbilt game would be postponed so the Commodores can play Missouri, who has already missed two games this season due to COVID precautions. Tennessee head coach Jeremy Pruitt railed against the… Read More ›

Jets Owner Rents Team to Drake

To honor the 8th anniversary of Mark Sanchez’s iconic Butt Fumble, the most asinine play in football history and the Jets’ sixth greatest play ever, the New York green team lost its 10th game of the season Sunday, mathematically eliminating them from the playoffs at 0-10. With the postseason officially out of reach, Jets owner… Read More ›

NY Jets Sign Aaron Hernandez

In a bizarre series of events Wednesday night, the winless New York Jets signed deceased free agent Aaron Hernandez to a one-day contract so he could retire as a member of the team. Although the former Florida Gator and convicted murderer never played for New York, team ownership felt like the horrific events that led… Read More ›

Roethlisberger Sexually Assaults Himself in Bathroom

Multiple sources have reported Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger inappropriately touched himself this week while trying to use the bathroom in his Pennsylvania home. Roethlisberger, a born-again Christian, told police he hasn’t masturbated since becoming a member of the Four Seasons Total Methodist Church in 2012, and that he typically only plays with himself on Madden…. Read More ›

Local Black Man Goes on First Jog in Four Years

After waking up to a chorus of jay birds chirping outside his window early Sunday morning, local Black man Chase Miles decided it was time to dust off his jogging shoes for the first time in nearly four years. Citing the results of the presidential election and Lamar Jackson’s continued improvement as a pro quarterback,… Read More ›

Harbaugh Leads Michigan Protestors in ‘Stop the Count!’ Chants in Response to His 0-4 Record vs. Buckeyes

Marching shirtless in a pair of Lululemon slacks and holding a sign depicting Ryan Day’s face with a Hitler mustache, Michigan head football coach Jim Harbaugh led protesters in a chant Wednesday afternoon pleading with the school, the media, and the nation to stop focusing on his winless record against the #3 Buckeyes. Several members… Read More ›

Pete Rose Intimidates Hall of Fame Voters With Sword

Pete Rose was taken into police custody early Sunday morning after reports that the disgraced former MLB player & manager threatened multiple Baseball Hall of Fame voters with a sword. Rose, who was banned from the Hall of Fame ballot for gambling on baseball during his stint as a manager for the Reds, was accused… Read More ›

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