Tebow Cheats on Wife With MyPillow™

After noticing her husband Tim Tebow sleeping on the couch for the past week or so, the 2017 Miss Universe Demi-Leigh Tebow caught the former virgin in the throws of passion with his MyPillow™ on a hidden camera she discreetly placed inside the urinating Urban Meyer statue that presides over the couple’s entertainment room. 

According to Ms. Tebow’s statement, the video captured the former “professional” quarterback thrusting his pelvis into the pillow while reassuring the inanimate head bed “you’ll never see another man fudge a pillow as hard as I’m gonna fudge you” before emitting a brown liquidy substance onto the ‘Jonah and the Whale’ pillowcase (only $19.99!).

The Tebows famously waited until marriage to consummate their union, but after two attempts at intimacy on their honeymoon to Gatlinburg, TN, Ms. Tebow privately told friends that sex with her husband felt like “playing Whac-a-Mole, but if the hammer was also a mole”.

Tebow seemed genuinely remorseful for his unfaithful behavior, but admitted the couple’s problems ran deeper than just the physical aspects. “After our honeymoon, it was clear Demi and I didn’t have much chemistry, sexual or otherwise,” he explained, “but the patented interlocking fill of the MyPillow™ adjusts to your individual needs, which she never even tried to do.”

“Plus, my personal nutritionist, Chip Poatlay, has been urging me to try MyPillow™ because it cures COVID,” Tebow continued, “and since the company already got sued for advertising false health benefits back in 2018, the government made Mr. Mike pinky promise they’d never pull that bullcrap again.”

Tebow expressed intent to reconcile his marriage, but said his wife had been non-responsive when he attempted to extend an olive branch. “She’s been colder than the other side of the pillow,” he said before catching himself. “Well, not MyPillow™.”

Categories: Footballs

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