Shortly after Alabama’s defense went postal on former walk-on/teacup ferret Stetson Bennett in Saturday’s 41-24 beatdown of #3 Georgia, several Bulldog offensive linemen took the quarterback’s personal bottle of Dial Kids™ Peach Bodywash and placed it atop the visiting lockers, well out of his reach.
Bennett, who earned his nickname “The Mailman” in high school by intercepting recruiting letters meant for actual football prospects, served up three interceptions to Bama’s defense and saw seven more of his passes batted down near the line of scrimmage. As the heavyweight slugfest wore on, it became increasingly clear that a quarterback of Bennett’s stature had a better chance sneaking into Six Flags without a guardian than beating the Tide for four quarters.
Georgia hoped to take advantage of Alabama’s young defense, which got off to a slow start to the season and even gave up 48 points to Lane Kiffin’s Ole Miss squad a week ago. But unlike Bennett, Ole Miss QB Matt Corral isn’t one of the kids from Stranger Things.
As a proper shower wasn’t an option for him after the game, Bennett managed to lick himself clean before his post-game media session. Head coach Kirby Smart insisted he wasn’t concerned about his quarterback after the tough loss.
“I’ve known Stetson for years now,” Smart explained, “and I can promise you he always lands on his feet.”
“He’ll also chase a laser pointer around for hours,” Smart continued, “and two or three times a week, he’ll bring you a moth he tortured to death just for the fuck of it.”
Georgia has a bye week Saturday before traveling to Lexington next week to take on SEC East rival Kentucky, and graduate transfer tight end Tre’ McKitty believes the Bulldogs offense will be ready to rebound.
“Do you actually want my opinion or are y’all just doing a cat thing?”