Mahomes Pulling New Trick Literally Out of Ass

Since setting the league on fire in 2018, Patrick Mahomes has consistently redefined creativity from the quarterback position. He mesmerized the football world with his no-look passes and crazy arm angles; he’s thrown critical completions with his left hand and never missed a beat after a mid-season calf implant surgery. Never one to be satisfied, the 24-year-old plans to stretch the realm of possibility again in 2020 by pulling a new trick out of his ass.


That’s right, Mahomes and head coach Andy Reid confirmed Wednesday that the phenom quarterback has a new trick up his pants: an unsanitary behind-the-back pass in which Mahomes momentarily hides the ball between his buttcheeks before squeezing it 8-10 yards downfield, similar to a Tim Tebow pass.

Coach Reid has famously allowed Mahomes to experiment with new throws and tricks in practice, and if they work, he gives his QB the green light to try it in a game. “I’d say the O-Ring Fling has worked 90% of the time so far in scrimmage,” Reid said through a brisket McGriddle. “We ran it today against four or five different defensive looks and it wrecked ‘em.”

According to Mahomes, he came up with the idea in July when he suffered an eruptive case of diarrhea while boating with teammate Travis Kelce. “Travis was like ‘Dude, if you shit in the boat, we’ll have to buy it!’” Mahomes chuckled, “so now I have a boat.”

When asked who deserved credit for the rump pump, the genial Mahomes blushed and gave credit to his parents. “I’m just the product of great genetics,” the superstar said. “The good Lord blessed me with my Dad’s arm and my Mom’s asshole.”

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