Steelers to Play 2020 Season Without Facemasks

In a confusing mixup on Friday, the Pittsburgh Steelers ordered 53 helmets without face masks for the upcoming 2020 NFL season.

After the Pittsburgh city council voted to mandate face coverings in public, Steelers ownership exercised their Reagan-given freedom to operate without panties over their mouths. But when head equipment manager Bretty Fegglers got blackout drunk on Thursday, he accidentally ordered mask-free helmets for the entire active 53-man roster. The regional representative for Schutt, the helmet manufacturer, said it was too late to change the order.

“Once I punched the order into the app and hit submit, it would’ve taken forever to cancel it,” the Schutt representative said.

A few of the team’s more handsome players, including Juju Smith-Schuster, James Conner, and T.J. Watt, couldn’t wait to see the proposal, while waterlogged corn coffin Ben Roethlisberger voiced concern over how he would look in high definition without a cover.

“I don’t want to force myself on anyone,” Big Ben said, “we’ve seen what happens when I do that.”

Fegglers, who spent six of the past eight years in prison, downplayed the effect of his face mask mistake. “In penal league football, we weren’t even allowed to kiss the coach,” he groaned. “Did they say anything to you about a biscuit?”

Categories: Footballs

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